However, in reflecting on my boy's birth nine years ago today...I am finding that emotions I thought I had "conquered" are rising to the surface. I dropped my boys off at school and headed on my way and tears welled up, unbidden, spilling down my cheeks. As I questioned my subconscious for making me cry when my face was made up for the day (HA!), I realized I was supremely sad. No, I'm not sad my kiddo is growing up. I LOVE that he is becoming his own person; deciding what makes Caleb - Caleb. Plans were made, when we created this beautiful child. We. "We" do not make plans together, anymore. I'm at peace with that - I thought I was, at least. So much has changed, and I'm grateful that I am where I am in my life now... but I'm sad that the big plans made together for Caleb and for OUR family have dissolved. I'm happy we get along and that he decided to have a relationship with the boys, but it is not what it was "supposed" to be when we first set out together.
I don't know... maybe this is silly, but it's what's on my mind. That, and thinking about Mom. She was SO excited to have her first grandchild. ... He's the only one she ever met. Gosh - she loved him so much... I loved seeing how happy we helped make her, if only for a short time. Then less than eight months later, poof, she was gone. She would so love her other grandchildren... and Jeff, and Hollie, and Christian...
But, I digress. Happy birthday to my Lego-loving, proud to wear pink...and boots, smart, funny, handsome, creative, loving, kind, LOVED Caleb. Mama LOVES you more than you will ever know... plus one. ;)
