Happy/Sad

First off, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my handsome, sweet, smart, funny, loving Caleb! I cannot believe he's already NINE!!!

I'm so very much in love with my boys and feel so blessed that God chose them to be mine. They are the light of my life and bring me happiness (almost) all the time. :)

However, in reflecting on my boy's birth nine years ago today...I am finding that emotions I thought I had "conquered" are rising to the surface. I dropped my boys off at school and headed on my way and tears welled up, unbidden, spilling down my cheeks. As I questioned my subconscious for making me cry when my face was made up for the day (HA!), I realized I was supremely sad. No, I'm not sad my kiddo is growing up. I LOVE that he is becoming his own person; deciding what makes Caleb - Caleb. Plans were made, when we created this beautiful child. We. "We" do not make plans together, anymore. I'm at peace with that - I thought I was, at least. So much has changed, and I'm grateful that I am where I am in my life now... but I'm sad that the big plans made together for Caleb and for OUR family have dissolved. I'm happy we get along and that he decided to have a relationship with the boys, but it is not what it was "supposed" to be when we first set out together.

I don't know... maybe this is silly, but it's what's on my mind. That, and thinking about Mom. She was SO excited to have her first grandchild. ... He's the only one she ever met. Gosh - she loved him so much... I loved seeing how happy we helped make her, if only for a short time. Then less than eight months later, poof, she was gone. She would so love her other grandchildren... and Jeff, and Hollie, and Christian...

But, I digress. Happy birthday to my Lego-loving, proud to wear pink...and boots, smart, funny, handsome, creative, loving, kind, LOVED Caleb. Mama LOVES you more than you will ever know... plus one. ;)

Happy happy Valentine's Day!

It is so amazing to be courted and loved. Even though my heart is thousands of miles away, he still manages to surprise me and speak my love language. I feel blessed to be loved...and especially to be loved by this smart, sweet, sexy, attentive man. Happy Valentine's Day to you! May your day be filled with love from those you love...and everyday, for that matter. :)

Kinder and 3rd

Cannot believe that Owen started kindergarten today, and Caleb stated 3rd grade. They were so excited this morning.

Classroom before and after

I think I'm ready. My seester and I worked together in my classroom from 2 - 11 Friday night with only a two hour break. I'd done some things before yesterday ... but it all finally cane together last night. It's definitely MY space. Busy, colorful, fun. And I can't wait to share pics of the bulletin board I came up with for the hallway. I'm proud of my creativity.

Dapper diaper changer

My big guy changed his first diaper today. These pictures were so much funnier in person because Maddie decided to crawl away in the middle. Hahaha however, he did get the diaper on correctly. He's such a sweetie.

Fourth fun

We had a busy, exciting first fourth of July with Christian and Cayli. Started out by going to a family party and swimming, then watched Despicable Me 2 in 3D, went to a small fair in Winnebago and had some fun with face painting, and -of course-a fireworks finale.

Successful morning

Caleb, Christian and I had fun making origami figures on this rainy Saturday morning. Meanwhile, Owen explored the toys in the playroom. Today is vacation day 1 in Illinois with my boys and my man. I have waited a long time to be this happy again. And ... it was worth the wait. ♡

Traveling with my love

I feel so blessed to have found love after such devastating heartbreak and disappointment at the failure of my marriage. My boys had their first vacation trip with their dad since the divorce. My amazing "man-friend" offered to fly to Texas and drive with me to Wisconsin to pick the boys up from their dad at the end of their trip. So, he and I drove fron San Antonio to Wisconsin to do just that. Along the way, we were our silly selves and took some fun photos together. Here are a few of them.

Changes

Lots of changes have occurred in my life this last 12 months.

Things that are different:
1. I'm now a single mom.
1a. That means I'm a statistic. Uggg.
1b. So are my boys... :(
2. I taught at a 2A high school last year.
2a. I found out I love sophomores.
2b. I've forgotten how fun and frightening high school is/was.
3. I moved back to my hometown.
4. I figured out some of the great things in life I've been missing out on ... that I had no idea I was missing.
5. I became an aunt of triplet nieces.
5a. I experience, firsthand, the love my children have for their cousins and the girls love for my boys, in return.
5b. I get to play with girls ... and I secretly love to dress them in *eek!* pink.
6. I'm learning to live alone, yet not alone.
7. I found out I'm still desirable. Ha! Who knew?
8. I've learned to love myself again and that I'm worth "it" ... whatever "it" is ...
9. I've learned to stand up for what's best for my kids and how to speak my mind, effectively.
10. My sweet boys are now 8 and in 3rd grade and 5 and headed for kindergarten.  Woah. Really?!

There are more things to add to this list ... but that's good for now. Man ... I missed blogging. Here's to hoping I can remedy that.

Creative love

My Caleb made this heart balloon, complete with sky and sun for me tonight. He's so creative. I love him so.

Eye love you

Seriously. This boy has amazing eyelashes and such gorgeous hazel eyes. Today, they are a bit more on the brown shade... Still... I love his peepers. <3

The start of a new start

2013 promises to be very different than 2012. Starting with this new car. In my name, only. Yay me!!!

My boy and leggos

He is amazing!!

Time to eat!

When it's time to eat around here, we "sing in harmony." Hahaha! Love them so very much!

39

God willing, I will endure this pain and heartache for another 39 more days...officially. After, while the pain and heartache might remain, I will no longer be required to put up with the ugliness. If only the innocents could be spared from witnessing. Unfortunately tonight, that was not the case. Barely able to maintain my composure, a friend I've had for 32 years stepped in and allowed me to walk away.

(thanks for that, seester. I am truly blessed to call you mine. You've been such a standard of love and a woman with backbone and support for me through all this junk. I love you...)

I think I can...I think I can...

Sleeping beauties

These three snuggle-bunnies are headed to Texas for a temporary move until schedules are set and everyone settles in. I love them, so very much.

Like Cinderella

I went to a renaissance style masquerade ball Saturday night. There was dancing, drinking, and a pot luck feast...complete with bring your own plate, bowl, flatware, and mug (or wine glass). It was fun. I loved my costume, made by a new friend at my current job. She made it as her Halloween costume, a la Anne Boelyn. Beautiful, no?

Fun!

Getting ready to review with my sophomores for their test on Wednesday... My 35 or so students are lucky, right? Hahaha...good thing they have this brilliant math interventionist to help them out... ;)

olive you!

Silly boy

Best date ever

These cuties are taking an older me out on a date for my birthday. Oh, how I love my boys. Happy 36th birthday to me...