October 8th...

This is a hard day for my little family. On this day, two years ago, my wonderful, loving, artistic, beautiful mother passed away. She was the most caring, thoughtful, loving person anyone has ever known. She loved being a sister to our Aunt Clara. She loved being our mom. She loved being my dad's wife, she loved being a grandmother. We called her "No-knee." It was such a term of endearment. She had both knees replaced just after Caleb was born, and Brant (who could do no wrong in her eyes) named her that when she decided to have it done. We miss her so much. I no longer wake up thinking she'll call, or that I can just drive the 1.7 miles to her house...but I don't remember her voice. I remember her smell. We can still go into her closet and smell her. She had the best laugh...and handwriting. She always knew what I needed to wear - which was exactly opposite of what she would pick out for herself. She gave the best advice without being overbearing. She was an artist. She painted so beautifully...I wish she could have had more time to spend doing just that. Expressing herself the way only SHE could do. I miss pinching the little bit of extra skin on her elbows. I miss tucking her ever-present blue dress into her ginormous panty line. I miss teasing her about Brant and I being intimate. I miss her smile, and her laughter in her eyes. I miss her helmet hair and perfectly manicured fingernails and toenails. I miss the way she just KNEW what to get us for birthdays and Christmas. I miss the way she would drink her Diet Pepsi from a huge Sea World glass...and have us fetch her more. I miss the way Max would only come out to be pet when she was alone with him. I miss having her watch us grow, learn, explore, and experience life. She was taken so fast, so soon, too soon.

Caleb and I "visited" her at the cemetery today. We stopped and ran our fingers over her name. We looked at the flowers that had been left, and the cat figurine that she would have loved. We prayed. Caleb repeated the important words after me. "...special angel...miss you...watching over us...keep us safe...amen...Can we eat?" Giggle and run.

Yeah, No-knee/Mom, that was for you. I see you smiling up there. I love you!